Sunday, September 27, 2009

What if?

What if one day I fail so completely that I do not succeed?

What if, the next day, I succeed so poorly that I fail completely?

What if, the day after, and the next, I am afraid to try because I have failed twice and so my choosing to remain static is, in its very essence, failure?

What if the next day I try again and I fail? Then what shall I do? It is not easy to fail and fail again.

What if one day when tossing rocks because there's no goddamn better thing to do with myself, I come to think that failure is fallible, that the whole shitty idea has holes big enough for a big first-down play, and maybe even with some spice and a juke I could go all the way with busting down the god-forsaken limerick. What if the seed of doubt is planted?

What if the next day I doubt my failure, and I still fail anyways? What if I don't accept it, what if, for fuck's sake, failure's such a shoddy concept in the first place I have no real choice left but to call it something else.

What if I call it success? What if no one accepts this new designation? If I am the only one who accepts it, does it exist?

Does it not exist?

And what if it does or does not exist? What then? What if I resign to do nothing about it? What if I do everything I can to change it? Does it matter?

What if everyone and everything fell into either a category of failure or success? And what if failure was success, as I now believe?

What if you failed to succeed?

What if you failed first in order to succeed second?

What if you succeeded first only to fail in the end?

What if you lived a shitty life filled with successes?

What if you lived a great life wrought with failure?

What if you asked every one of these questions and recieved no answer?

What if you didn't?